If you don’t care, I don’t care: The art of being.

young-woman-bored-11281332030yRqtRecently, I was at a conference and I heard a lecture. The who, what, when, where, and why don’t really matter.

What matter is the how.

One of the presenters simply read her paper as a presentation. Now, I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe this was a last-minute thing, maybe something changed, maybe she was told to do it that way. None of that alleviated my boredom. I was restless, begging for the clock to hurry up, and hoping for some kind of distraction like the fire alarm, so that I could graciously sneak out and find another lecture that would wake me back up.

Sadly, I cared about her topic. It had meaning to me. But I don’t go to lectures to hear the paper read to me. It would be much faster to just hand everyone a printed document and send us on our way. When I hear a speaker, I want to hear passion about the subject. She could have stumbled around with her words, poorly tried to make her point, but if could hear in her voice how much this meant to her, I would have appreciated it much more, and quite possibly learned something. I was looking to be entertained.

Traditionally, when we use the word entertain, we are talking about TV, or a live show, possibly a comedian. I now use the word in a stricter sense. You can entertain a thought. When you have guests at your house whom you feed and have conversation with, you are entertaining them. You don’t have to have a song and dance prepared for the occasion – you just have to occupy their minds with something that will keep them paying attention. Every interaction is entertainment, for good or ill.

People pay attention to other people, not so much to subjects. That’s how we begin to really like TV shows. We’re hooked by an interesting subject at first, but soon we don’t really care about the subject anymore, because we “fall in love” with the characters on the show. If the Fringe crew were to somehow come back as regular police investigating everyday crime, some people may complain just to complain, but they would get the same following that they had investigating Fringe events – because we’re paying attention to the characters, and their lives, and their interactions with each other.

This works the same way in real life. If you care about your subject, I’m interested in what you have to say, whether you are talking about quantum physics, ghosts, knitting, or carpentry. If you don’t care about your subject, you could be talking about everything that I have on my “list of interests”, and I still won’t be able to pay attention very long, because if you don’t care, I just don’t care. I want to know about you. Your passions, interests, hopes, dreams, plans, goals, thoughts, and more.

But if I ask you about these, and you pull out your bio and start reading it to me, I’m leaving.

3 thoughts on “If you don’t care, I don’t care: The art of being.

  1. Maybe she had public speaking phobia. I had a professor who was really good in class but bad at public speaking. At one conference, he decided bravely to give it a go without his carefully prepared papers. Although he was passionate in class about his subject, he struggled for one hour in presenting his topic and gasped for breath whenever his gaze met ours in the conference room. It was a true ordeal for him and us, we just wanted him to pick up the papers read the thing and just leave.

  2. Hi Cristina! Thanks for the comments There is a possibility that you are correct, and if so, I have no problems with that. Anyone who has a real excuse, or is forced into doing it for whatever reason, or any of the other 100 reasons that would make this ok, is exempt from the critique.

    This article is aimed at people who have the ability and time, and don’t put the work in.

    When I give any kind of presentation, I do have my notes in front of me, I have rehearsed, and if I get nervous, I don’t feel as if it’s a problem to refer to my notes, until I can get back on track. They are a safety net. I feel bad for your professor, going in without his paper! That must have been horrible for him!!!

    1. Well, it was horrible for him and us therefore he never repeated it. I myself I am not a fan of public speaking so I do admire people who can manage it without a problem. I know it takes practice however for some it is not enough. There was a pschotherapy university group where I live that were running an online support group study on patients with public speaking phobia and at the end of it, they said subjects did make progress in their respective lives but I’am not sure how did they measure it being on online support group. Bottom line, some of us have to resort to psychotherapy, it’s not lack of interest for the audience, I think it’s fear.
      The other side that your article is about is true too: I had professors using old notes in class and not bothering for eye contact: it was pure lack of interest. The notes were so old they were yellowish…

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